Homeschool Kids Rock!

Some rich family stories (for me) will come from the experience of home schooling my two youngest children and currently helping with Arin, who is 13 years old. Writing is something many of us love to do and a good sense of humor is something that shows up again and again in family writing. Jason would not prefer the spotlight on him and his life at 15 years old, so he wrote a fictitious autobiography that he turned in at the end of his freshman year (following homeschooling). It is very funny and will make you laugh out loud a lot! It is being linked to a separate blogsite related to my M.I.T. Creating Learning Class: Learning How to Learn About Almost Anything so I can keep track of the interest level to share with my son. So far, after three days, he has had 187 views. Now I can show him how funny others find his work. It is reminiscent of Garrison Keiller, creative genius of "Prairie Home Companion."

http://homeschooledchildrenrock.blogspot.com/2013/03/homeschool-kids-rock-writing-assignment.html

Since this is the only blog that my viewers have to follow a link for, I decided to post it in its entirety here. It is TOO FUNNY TO WASTE NOT READING!

Homeschool Kids Rock - Writing Assignment 1

Forward

My two youngest children were homeschooled until my son started his freshman year of high school and my daughter started her senior year of high school, at their request. It was on my son Jason’s 15^th birthday that this paper was written for a Parenting Class in his freshman year that he didn’t want to take. The teacher kept calling him “Derek” and it amused him not to correct her, deciding it was her responsibility to know his name. It backfired on him when his grades and participation in class would’ve exempted him from the final but she told Jason, as “Derek,” to come in and take the final, which she said he “flunked” when he turned it in. So, she required him to write this set of papers to bring up "Derek's" grade again. He still didn't tell her his name. Many of the comments in this paper are true and others are obviously comedy and he was amused at the idea that she would have no idea what to think about it or what to believe, so he retained his desired “privacy about things that were “none of her business” by couching it in humorous storytelling. And this happened right after he apparently accidently broke his “egg” that he was supposed to be “babysitting” and taking notes about, and lost credit for the assignment when, in fact, he thought the breaking of the egg was one of the highlights of the class.

He included the bibliography, and these are actual sites that contributed the factual information used to lend some air of verifiable information, fictitious though it may be, as being part of his life. This fact amused him as well and I do remember him having a great birthday present in the opportunity to share this “joke” with us. (Home school children are special in many ways! J)

The promise to get an X-box if he flunked the class was a joke because he was playing on his X-box at the time, but he didn’t want his teacher to think she could harm him by not giving him the grade he deserved. He asked her if he could pick up the paper after it was graded, but she was not in the classroom at the appointed time. He never got feedback from this paper and although he did get the A he deserved (despite flunking the final he wasn’t supposed to take), he often wondered how the kid named Derek fared as a result of the mix-up. He mentioned that she loved him, spoke to him every day, but never learned his real name.

My son took one writing class in highschool/college and dropped out after the first assignment because the teacher was completely uninspiring to him and so was the class. He was, at that point, a duo-enrollment student at a local Community College. His sense of humor has always been something I have enjoyed and I think it would be a crime not to share it.

This assignment includes:

• Letter of Reference
• Time Line
• Biographical Essay
• Defining Moment

Letter of Recommendation- Jason B.

XXXXXX, 2007

Cherished Pharmaceutical LTD

12-km, Hafizabad Road , Jandiala Sher Khan,

Sheikhupura

, Punjab, Pakistan

To Whom It May Concern,

Please accept this letter of recommendation on behalf of Jason B. for the position of livestock feed chemist with your organization. His dedication to the concepts of chemistry and biology has allowed him to excel among his peers and his concern for producing the highest quality livestock feed puts him almost in a category by himself. I have had the pleasure of working with Mr. Bell during his apprenticeship at Hee-Haw Feed Depot and have witnessed the seriousness with which he devotes his experience, expertise and love of animals in every batch of livestock feed he produced.

It became evident that Mr. B. nurtured a special interest in chickens from the time he began working with us. Joining a leader in the area of agro-industrial products would especially suit him because of his natural talent for understanding the breeding practices of locally manufactured poultry and in taking a personal responsibility for meeting their nutritional needs. Mr. B. has often expressed his love of travel, and his aspiration to have a global understanding of the study of chickens in their native environments world wide would make him a superior candidate for this position. It is his life’s dream to be able to positively contribute to help meet the demand of animal health products in this area of the world. Please consider him as a candidate who would absolutely apply himself to growing professionally as he helped the company grow to meet the critical need of chicken care and production.

Thank you for your consideration in this matter,

Jedidiah Grable, Owner

Hee-Haw Feed Depot

Amish Agricultural Consultant

Bald Knob, Arkansas 25010

Timeline – Jason B.

< - - - - - - - - 1992 Born on a 13 acre farm in Bald Knob, Arkansas, with a population of 99 people. The town was disappointed that it was a single birth delivery since, had it been twins, it would have put the town into a triple digit population. Nevertheless, the welcome consisted of a town gift of 2 dozen eggs, a wee straw hat and a basinet made of wicker and recycled kite string.

- - - - - - - - > 1993 Won the blue ribbon for the Suckling Pig and Crawling Baby race at the county fair in a photo finish, making the front page headline in the “Arkadelphia Siftings Herald” newspaper (serving Arkadelphia and its surrounding towns, subscribers 21). Celebrity status brought a surprising number of corn dog gifts from the Hee-Haw Feed Depot employees throughout the following year.

- - - - - - - - > 1994 Graduated from crawling to climbing to walking and running and was found in the hayloft of the Putnam farm, after being missing for three days, with nothing but a red-and-white checkered table cloth full of stored up corn dogs and a tippy-cup of apple juice. At this point it was discovered that my unique laugh had the unusual feature of calling chickens from surrounding farms in the manner of a baby-pied piper.

- - - - - - - - > 1995 Received the town award of heroism when, in the aftermath of a freak blizzard, which caused the tragic loss of the town’s chickens, I belly-laughed for ten straight hours calling chickens to flock into the town from counties as far away as 23 and 1/4 miles, saving the town from the certain doom of having to resort to vegetarian diets. Nominated for the office of mayor, but declined due to the fact that mama believed this position would interfere with my necessary daily naps.

- - - - - - - - > 1996 Started kindergarten half-days and began work at the Hee-Haw Feed Depot in the afternoons to help earn money so that we could carry on the family tradition of eating daily. My first job consisted of crushing egg shells to add to the chicken feed and I was promoted to stirring the mix because of my passion for seeing the job done through to the end. Before the year was out, my duties also consisted of putting the mix into burlap bags, which brought me a seven cents per hour raise, obliging me to start my own bank account to handle such large sums of money.

- - - - - - - - > 1997 Bought my first pair of shoes and wore them on the right feet most days, causing many townspeople to believe that I was gifted. Although I was unable to also purchase socks, I purchased magic markers to color my ankles at a discount price. Nominated as the town’s “best dressed youngin’” I learned to walk through tall grass to hide my fake socks on days that I chose not to wear shoes. At work, I graduated to actually feeding chickens and only got into trouble once when I tried to feed them molasses on Christmas, causing the disaster of nine glued beaks until we recognized the practical use of these chickens for Christmas dinner.

- - - - - - - - > 1998 Received my first “National Geographic” magazine, featuring chickens in Pakistan. This began my lifelong dream of moving to Sheikhupura as a livestock feed chemist and I began drawing diagrams of chicken family-trees in preparation. I was told at this time that it was predicted at my birth that I would travel beyond the confines of my birthplace and accomplish great deeds. This was predicted because of my birthmark of a chicken head on the inside of my left thigh.

- - - - - - - - > 1999 Lost my two front teeth within three days of each other, one at work over feedbag at the Hee-Haw Feed Depot and the other was probably swallowed in my sleep. At that time my chicken-calling laugh developed a slight whistle, which also caused several dogs to now respond to my laugh. I outgrew my shoes, but since a dog fetched an old pair of boots to my door on rainy day in August, I took it as a sign that I had a natural bond with critters and accepted the gift with respect. Just a couple sizes too big, I stuffed the toes with hay and no longer needed magic markers to color my ankles.

- - - - - - - - > 2000 Began studying chemistry and biology, intent on developing my special talent for mixing feed for animals. Although I learned to mix feed for cattle and a special concoction of slop for pigs, chickens remained my purpose in life. I was promoted to feed supervisor at the Hee-Haw Feed Store when Jebidiah Grable, the store owner, opened a second business in town selling Jesus figurines made out of recycled roof tiles.

- - - - - - - - > 2001 Witnessed the laying of a new county road which connected the town of Bald Knob to the interstate freeway. A family trip to the overpass bridge resulted in a black-and-white vision that lasted for ten minutes in which I saw myself feeding chickens in foreign nations, gaining the Pulitzer Prize and writing my autobiography during my retirement. I dropped to my knees and committed myself to my overwhelming destiny. Then I ate an egg salad sandwich in the back of the pick up, musing on the chicken forms I saw in the clouds.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.> 2002 Began home schooling when my folks recognized my destiny of greatness and I was given free reign on the subject matter, being gifted and a good dresser. My first self-appointed subjects were video games and Marvel Comics but since my mother wasn’t sure how to test me on these subjects, I was exempt from finals. When I spilled syrup on my National Geographic, I took it as a sign to improve my study habits and applied myself to chemistry and biology into the wee hours of the night. I developed bags under my eyes, but since this made me look older, I continued this pattern throughout the end of the school year. Even still, I was denied my driver’s license since I was still too young to drive.

- - - - - - - - > 2003 Moved out of Arkansas as a result of a freak cyclone that took my house and all of my family’s belongings. The following day, under a clear sunny sky, my National Geographic suddenly floated down as though on the very breath of God, unharmed and still carrying the syrup stains. I laughed hysterically and inadvertently called chickens to me from three counties. However, since my front teeth had grown back and the whistle was gone, no dogs accompanied them. My family resettled in the Detroit area (in a city called Warren) since we had distant relations living there and it is at this time that I began my studies of urban critters.

- - - - - - - - > 2004 Homesick for Arkansas and disappointed by the depressing absence of chickens, I began to take trips to Petting Farms provided to city kids. No longer able to gain appreciation for my exquisite dressing habits I gained my second pair of purchased shoes and no longer found myself standing out like an un-tanned behind in a locker room. Introduced to the Internet, I began to do research into the subject of both Pakistan and chicken feed.

- - - - - - - - > 2005 Discovered Hot Pockets and cable television.

- - - - - - - - > 2006 Began formal education again at Lincoln High School in Warren. Although it was my mission to learn how to blend and to learn in an urban atmosphere, it was quite surprising to me that so many people could fit into one school and not eat each other in the strict survival pattern of chicken living. Comparisons between people and chickens became enhanced in my body of knowledge and I built an impressive chicken replica out of Lego blocks bought at a garage sale. At this time I also noticed that pigeons and opossums would gather around me when I laughed and I was thoughtful about this freaky coincidence over the holidays. I determined that I might yet have many hidden talents and experimented with reproducing the sound of flatulence among many species with some success.

- - - - - - - - -> 2007 Quite by accident I found myself in a Parenting class at Lincoln High School and discovered mental illness limitations by the magnificent and inspiring performance of Sean Penn in “I am Sam.” I also discovered that people, unlike chickens, could contract STDs which were not only embarrassing but also unhealthy. Plans have been made to allow me to return to farm life over the summer in Butler, Indiana where I can once again run and freely commune with chickens. Also this year, I began shaving and no longer run the risk of being mistaken for Wolverine from the X-Men as the provocative Marvel Comics hero.

- - - - - - - - >

Essay – Jason B.

Living first in the country and then moving into the city has given me a view of life that is quite different from the other students I go to school with at Lincoln High School. My family is close, especially because we didn’t know anyone when we first moved to Michigan, except for a few family members that we do not keep in touch with anyway. My mother grew up in the city and my father grew up in the country so I was able to learn from both of them to help me adapt to my environments. They are very good parents and have taught me a lot about life, encouraging me to continue my education as one of the most important responsibilities I have while I am living under their roof. They told me that this would be true whether or not we rented or owned the roof themselves.

My oldest sister lives on a farm in Butler, Indiana and raises chickens as well as being a massage therapist. She has three children and is pregnant with twins which are due this summer. I like being called “uncle” much more than hollering “uncle” when I wrestle with my uncle James who is now serving in Iraq. I miss him and look forward to the day he returns home. He bought me an X-Box 360 while he was home on leave and I am practicing the game “Call of Duty” to play with him when he gets back. He is very good and I have to get better before I can beat him. He told me that he wanted me to improve my talents because I have a natural gift for video games.

My other sister just graduated from Lincoln High School with a 4.0 GPA and I am very proud of her. She helped me with my math, waking up in the morning for school and learning how to clean out chicken coops quickly so we could have more time for leisure on the farm. While I was being home schooled, she was my best friend even though she does not like to play video games. She does not like taking care of chickens, but I forgive her because she cooks them very well, nevertheless. She will be coming to live on the farm with me this summer, to help take care of the children while I help to take care of the chickens.

I do not have a real brother, but I have adopted my best friend Adam as the brother I wish I always had. He does not know much about chickens, but he does like to play video games and eat chicken. I also have a good friend named Hunter who plays video games too, but he does not stay at my house to eat because his parents usually pick him up around dinner time. Hunter does laugh a little bit like a chicken, but not as well as I do and pigeons tend to ignore him. I consider them both to be a part of my social family and I hope to be able to stay in touch with them after I move.

Probably my best talent is having a sense of humor and no matter what profession I end up having as an adult, there will always be room for laughter. No matter how hard life may be, being able to laugh at myself, and to laugh at others without getting punched in the face, are assets that most civilized people can appreciate. Home school has taught me that I am my own first teacher and no matter what subject I am interested in, I know that my knowledge can be increased by studying, researching and seeking information by talking to others. This helps to define me because I do not feel limited by what others know, rather I am limited only by the questions I ask and my ability to find the answers.

Defining Moment – Jason B.

Of all of the moments I have ever had, I believe that the most defining one would have to be my birth. Without my birth, I would not have entered into this life at all. Without my birth, I would not have officially been given my name or the necessary paperwork to prove that I exist. I joined the human race in that moment and if that had not happened, I would have no definition at all worth speaking about. Although I do not have any direct memories of this moment, I have gathered much proof and can clearly accept that this moment did, in fact, occur. Not only are there color pictures, which I do not like to review on an empty stomach, but I have also interviewed many eye witnesses who would be willing to give sworn affidavits if necessary.

All of the other moments that have occurred in my life rest upon the defining moment of my birth. Each event after that may have impacted my thinking, my personality and the development of my character traits, but I maintain without my birth they would hold little significance by comparison. I do not dwell on this fact, but in the moment that I first drew breath, I became not only a citizen of the United States of America, but I also became a dependent of my parents and have been claimed on their taxes ever since. Today is my birthday, and it is the one day of the year which allows my mother the chance to describe this moment and to give me presents for having to listen to it all over again.

NOTE TO MS. [NameRemoved]:

Because I have not lived long enough to find the way to make my actual autobiography as interesting as I would’ve liked it to be, I have used poetic license to make this assignment more interesting to me. Since it is a parenting class, it is my belief that the importance of the delivery completely outweighs the need to maintain a close tie to actual facts. Below is a list of references which helped make the completion of this assignment possible. Thank you for understanding and I hope you enjoyed my final project. If not, and my grade is lowered because of it, just know this much- I will still really be feeding chickens this summer on my sister’s farm in Indiana, which helped to inspire this slight bending of facts for entertainment purposes. My whole family contributed ideas to this project as part of my birthday present and if I flunk this assignment, they have to buy me a new X-box game to help make it up to me, so I win either way. Thank you,

Jason B.

References

Arkadelphia Sifter Herald, Daily Earth Homepage, http://www.dailyearth.com/USNews/arkansas.html. Retrieved on May 28, 2007 from the World Wide Web.

Bald Knob, Arkansas homepage, http://www.city-data.com/city/Bald-Knob-Arkansas.html, Retrieved on May 28, 2007 from the World Wide Web.

Cherished Group homepage, http://www.cherishedgroup.com.pk/index.html, Retrieved on May 28, 2007 from the World Wide Web.